Let's talk about what it's like when you know you should train and you want to train but you feel like you have lost that part of yourself that once trained.That was me. And it happened due to experiencing loss and grieving. Re evaluating life, and especially getting back to normal seemed impossible.
(Stay with me and see how my erg training set me back!)
From a girl who tends to be unsympathetic to those who complain about life being shitty and being hard on people who can’t get it together, I have been humbled. These last 2 years have brought me to my knees. I now understand the loss in a way I could not have known had I not experienced it firsthand in so many ways. I have lost:
- My identity
-
My career
-
My strength
-
My passion
-
My best friend
-
My vision
-
My dreams
-
My Mom (not sure how to put that into one word)
I thought to myself that life might be like this after turning the big 6-0. People die, we get sick, we lose jobs, and we realize life just did not turn out the way we intended it to. Or, even worse, we will not get what we have worked towards for the last 30 years!
(Stay with me and see how we can heal and get back on track after losing our training mojo!)
I won’t share some heroic stories because I am still struggling to recover. However, I can relate to and recognize suffering and despair.
In hindsight, I don’t think we can learn life’s harsh lessons unless we are dropped to our knees, but I have a whole new outlook on what I give my time and energy to.
As many of you know, I lost my Mom last fall to a battle with cancer. I remember her telling me one morning how she woke up that day and “gave herself a good talking to”. I laughed and asked, “What did you say to yourself”? She had decided to stop feeling sorry for herself and live till she couldn’t. WOW.
So, a few weeks ago, I took her initiative. I had become accustomed to misery. Sadness had been my normal for nearly 2 years. Death, loss, grieving and the fact that I cannot recover as I used to and that I may NEVER be like I was before zapped every ounce of my life force energy… and, even worse, my hope. I realized this was my new norm and had to figure out who to be with all these changes. So I did what I knew; I went back to the paddling erg.
...And my body retaliated. It was angry, and I threw my back out.
Being flat on my back left me only able to stretch, so I practiced my go-to discipline, Yin Yoga. I would light candles, calm my nervous system, and sometimes just lie in Savasana. Getting back into a meditative state allowed me to deeply connect to what my body was trying to communicate to me. I cried in most postures as my body let go when I gave it permission to.
... My body had suffered along with my heart.
How Yin Yoga Can Heal The Body and The Mind
What I did not know about Yin Yoga until I took my teacher training in February is that getting into the postures stimulates the energy meridians in the body, targeting the acupressure points used in Chinese medicine! No wonder it works!! The physical holding of these poses allows the Chi or life force to pool in that area, bringing a flow that heals the fascia around the muscles and organs once the pose is released.
Eventually, as I lay there, I felt the urge to do a couple of dead bugs. Then I got up to the 2-point plank, and I started to feel my ability to maybe, just maybe, get my strength back. It felt like a homecoming. I began to think I could feel better.
... So I did what I never thought I would do; I disciplined myself to do less.
Through a few more setbacks and trial and error, I soon realized that if I did just 20 minutes of easy exercise daily, I wouldn’t hurt. Stopping had become my new discipline! Who would have thought?
So, I am three weeks into my new routine. I do 20 minutes of something daily, and sometimes, I can do this twice daily. I went back to my regular Yin practice and started to use it for the healing it can bring, not for the stretching, which had been my focus as an athlete.
I am back on the erg on the days I feel I actually have some energy, and it feels so good to find myself again. But I know when to stop.
In conclusion, I wanted to offer my empathy to anyone who is struggling with mental, emotional or physical setbacks that leave you feeling that gut-wrenching sense of losing a piece of yourself. I feel you. Please take good care of yourself.
As I practice teaching Yin more, I will share the sequence I will do after my erg training. I need to feel it more in my body to feel confident sharing it with my community.
Dead Bug: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HirHqKwZQDM&t=1s
2 Point Plank: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QS5HQ5rvsfY&t=118s
Find the course or program
|